Breathe

Finally, a book for guys that solves the riddles of pregnancy. Do you think that newborn babies can eat Doritos? That they can't scream very loudly since they just have tiny little baby lungs? That you will still be able to golf on weekends after your baby is born? If so, you need this book! Breathe takes guys misstep-by-misstep through the stages of pregnancy and the early days of childhood. Considered by many to be the unofficial pregnancy handbook of the NBA, Breathe is filled with useful tips such as these: Brown's First Law of Conception: The odds of conception are inversely proportional to its desirability. High school virgins experimenting behind bleachers are guaranteed to get pregnant; financially secure married men hoping for children are doomed to spend their weekends in fertility clinics masturbating into cups. Picking a doctor: Never use a gynecologist whose Medical School Diploma has palm trees on the side. Pre-Natal Music: Mozart, yes. Wagner, No! Common Concerns: If your baby is born with dark hair that covers its head, back, neck, temples and forehead, don't panic. This is perfectly normal. It just means your baby was born Italian. Child experts from all over the world agree -- if you're a first time father, drop your baby and pick up this book!

Mason Brown

Contents Foreword: A Word from the Doctor Preface: A Word from the Author Introduction PART I -- GETTING STARTED

• On Deciding to Become a Father
• Trying to Get Pregnant
• Are You Pregnant? PART II -- NINE MONTHS AND COUNTING
• Establishing Paternity
• Finances
• Choosing (and Working with) Your Practitioner
• The Best Odds Diet for Men
• Prenatal Care
• Sex During Pregnancy
• What's Going On in There? Understanding the Trimester System
• Your Wife's Mental Changes Throughout Pregnancy
• The Working Mother
• The Gender Dilemma: Should You Find Out the Sex of Your Unborn Child?
• Naming Your Baby
• The Baby Shower
• Preparing the Baby's Room
• Birthing Classes
• What to Bring to the Hospital PART III -- D-DAY!! LABOR AND DELIVERY
• Making the Decision to Go to the Hospital
• Driving to the Hospital
• You Made It to the Hospital. Now What?
• The Final Push
• C-Sections
• It's A...live
• Picking a Room PART IV -- AFTERBIRTH
• Keep Baby Off the Grid!!
• The Great Circumcision Debate
• Other Body Modification Rituals
• The First Days Home
• Postpartum Depression: Hers and Yours
• Birth Announcements
• Day Care Providers
• Television and the Younger Child
• Out with the Old, In with the New: The Second Baby
• Developmental Milestones Appendix: A List of Recommended Baby Books