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This book examines how humans can overcome feelings of shame through self-acceptance and regain their innate passion and freedom to grow. Peter Shabad examines in detail how self-shaming and passivity are intertwined with the fatalism of self-pity, envy, resentment, and ultimately, regret for not "seizing the vital moments" in life. From birth on, children attempt to contribute to the human endeavor through their innate passion. Parental receptivity enables a child to plant seeds of belonging, inspiring the generative passion necessary for furthering development. Exposed vulnerability due to the lack of receptivity leads to feelings of shame and self-consciousness; as human beings, we interpret our misfortunes and limitations as punishments and reverse our passion into an inhibited passivity. Shabad envisions psychotherapy as a pathway through which individuals learn to inclusively accept all aspects of their inner lives in order to embark on their journey of self-acceptance. He emphasizes the need for therapists to view patients as active agents in this process. This book is a must read for psychoanalysts, psychotherapists, and anyone interested in developing a deeper understanding of the dynamics of shame and passion in our lives.
Peter Shabad, PhD, is on the faculties of the Chicago Psychoanalytic Institute, Chicago Center of Psychoanalysis, and Institute for Contemporary Psychoanalysis. He is co-editor of The Problem of Loss and Mourning: Psychoanalytic Perspectives (1989) and author of Despair and The Return of Hope (2001).
Introduction: To Love and Lose, or Never to Have Loved at All 1 In the Shadow of Death: Freedom and the Passion to Become 2 Planting Seeds of Belonging: Giving of Oneself and Being Received 3 Divided Against Oneself: The Self-Conscious Mind and the Crisis of Shame 4 After the Fact: The Retroactive Transformation of Suffering into Shame 5 Exile and Self-doubt: The Inversion of Passion into Passivity 6 Licking One's Own Wounds: Passivity and the Fatalism of Self-pity 7 Resentment and Entitlement: The Reversal of Giving into Taking 8 From Shame to Group Pride: Normality and the Construction of Human Hierarchies 9 The Nobility of Resistance: Transforming Resentment into Active Rebellion 10 The Dignity of Freedom: Countertransference and the Importance of Respect 11 Letting Go and Holding On: Mourning and the Paradoxes of Emotional Life
