The Secret Language of Intimacy

In The Secret Language of Intimacy, shame and its consequences are foregrounded as a major, if not the major, impediment to the healthy functioning in the relationships of couples. In the first part of the book, Robert Lee presents the "Secret Language of Intimacy Workshop," developed and presented for the first time at the 1998 Annual Conference of the Association for the Advancement of Gestalt Therapy. Lee not only describes how the hidden forces of shame and belonging regulate couple dynamics, but also how the workshop itself has facilitated the acceptance of these forces and promoted therapeutic resolution, utilizing clinical vignettes. The second half of the book is comprised of internationally contributed essays from leading names in the Gestalt perspective, each adding to and redefining the role of shame and belonging in the theory and practice of Gestalt couples therapy. Their conclusions, however, are just as insightful for purveyors of other psychoanalytic and psychodynamic therapies as well.

Robert G. Lee, Ph.D., co-editor of The Voice of Shame (Jossey-Bass, 1996) and editor of The Values of Connection (Gestalt Press, 2004), has worked with couples for over thirty years, conducted groundbreaking couple research, and trained and presented internationally. He dances, swims, lives and practices psychotherapy in Boston.

Part I: The Secret Language of Intimacy Workshop. Introduction. Shame & Belonging. Shame Attacks. Couple Shame Cycles. Support and Demos. Part II: Contributors' Essays.Lobb, Being at the Contact Boundary with the Other: The Challenge of Every Couple. Balandrazo, Madero, Work with Couples in Mexico from a Gestalt Approach. Lynch, Lynch, Understanding the Complexity of Intimacy. O'Neill, O'Neill, The Secret Life of Us. Staemmler, Joint Constructions: On the Subject Matter of Gestalt Therapy, Exemplified by Gender-specific Misunderstandings with Regard to Intimacy.